Paradise Perspective

New Leaf?

June 15, 2009 at 11:55 pm (life)

I for sure didn’t think it would happen so fast!! But here it is:

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We bought a Caravan. Didn’t think we’d ever do car payments again, but I never had such a low interest rate in my whole life! It was a great price, the car is in great shape, and we feel so blessed. Here’s the “new leaf”: always before, our vehicle situation has been precarious, never knew what would run, when, or for how long. But now we are smelling like roses, and our situation is such that we’ll never have to center our plans around whether we have a car that works or not, because we will always have a car that works.

Amen.

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Down to One Car

June 14, 2009 at 12:50 pm (life, projects)

We have four vehicles. They are all insured, have current tags and inspection stickers. Three of them are sitting there. Toyota truck needs an alternator, Jeep needs a leaf spring, Justy needs I’m not sure (drive chain? tranny?).

Aerostar, 1995, with over 250,000 miles, is the one that works. The one I DON’T want to use except for road trips. Save it, I say. It still runs great, has the least amount of rust, the most amount of room, and gets better gas mileage than the Jeep. Daily driving will just tear it up.

But it’s our only car right now, so we are driving it every day.

I’m sure grateful for it, it has sure come a long way with us, and it might be my favorite car I ever had! But it’s old, like me. Should be gentle with it, but this half-mile mountain driveway is anything but.

So we are in transition, yet again. J is doing much research to guage consumer evals on many models. With the possibility of having a mail route next year, we will take facility into consideration, etc.

It will be interesting to see what we end up with and when. My travel plans are all on hold until this matter is resolved (duh).

On another front, I am weaving again. Warped the loom last week for some Sweedish Huck Lace towels. They aren’t looking much like the picture (on the pattern), but are lovely, and I’m enjoying the process. Also, I finished knitting a beautiful bamboo lace shawl (for a friend’s 60th), and several more pairs of socks.

Now that I think of it, we really only need one car since I’m really busy here!!

Oblivious

June 4, 2009 at 6:38 pm (life, philosophy)

The toothache started a snowball of painful things. Migraine headache for a couple of days, etc.

Integrating physical pain is probably the most difficult thing for me. I can get that whatever is hurting is a result of choices I have made. For what purpose is where it gets murky. I think we cause ourselves specific physical sensations to point out something NOT physical. But the symbolism sometimes escapes me altogether. A headache can go so many different ways symbolically.

Now, when my ears get plugged up, I believe I’m trying to tell myself to “listen” better to something or someone. Same if my eyes itch or burn or whatever, I say “What am I not seeing?” And whether it makes any sense or not, I can usually find something to change my mind about and grow from it. This perspective also serves as a way to integrate whatever the discomfort is. Accepting that a “teacher” is present (and the acceptance of the possibility of a lesson) usually results in the pain subsiding considerably. This is because of the change in generated energy: going from “poor me, I hurt” to “ok, why have I brought myself here?” There is a relaxation that happens when I stop resisting the pain and try getting to “know” it.

Once there, I can either open myself up to possibilities, or wallow in self-pity. I’m getting better at paying attention to what I feel and why, and even sometimes being able to change how I feel to something at least more productive.

But serious pain still kicks my ass. Give me emotional shit any day.

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God Bless the Dentist

May 22, 2009 at 11:16 am (life)

After dancing with an especially exquisite tooth ache (decay underneath a really old crown) for a few days, and realizing I’m not quite at the stage where I can instantaneously heal myself of any and all degradation, I went to have it yanked.

Now, I have given birth on several occasions. I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted after 30. I’m not going to list here every single trauma, and there are many, because they all pale in comparison to this.

Dr. Fletcher reminded me repeatedly, “Try to not yell.” Nine shots of novacaine(sp?) did not help. With the nerve endings (both of them) intact, I felt like Tom Hanks with the ice skate (”Castaway”).

During the highest point I had the wherewithal to think: ‘Just let the damn thing go!! Relax, and let him take it.’ But I couldn’t relax. The assistant, I’m sure, must have sustained bruises on her arm. I actually thrashed, kicking and writhing.

I asked the good Dr afterward if I am the biggest wimp ever, and he assured me that “about 1 in 70 are unfortunately that painful.”

I’m grateful for the experience of the worst pain ever, and grateful that it’s over. Grateful that he kept going regardless of my discomfort, (or we’d still be at it!).

God bless the dentist!!

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Inspiration

May 11, 2009 at 1:18 pm (philosophy)

I am listening to a new audio program with Greg Braden (author of “The Isiah Effect”, “The God Code”, The Divine Matrix” and many other excellent books). His ideas are well developed and well presented however much reiterated. I think, though, that his reiteration is sometimes necessary to help us keep the focus.

His body of work mostly revolves around information from various ancient texts (including the bible) that we in the West have largely overlooked or misinterpreted/perverted. It all boils down to the ideas regarding our thoughts, feelings and emotions as causes and our manifested “realities” as the effects. Also, that these ideas are actually a technique he calls “the lost mode of prayer”. He further demonstrates that scientific development in the areas of quantum physics and holography actually support these ideas. Science and religion as two sides to the same coin, so to speak.

As our thoughts and emotions are energy created, and mass (times the speed of light, squared) becomes materiality, Einstein equated the two (E=mc2), and also stated that “God is in the details”. It’s not that much of a stretch to get that we have been looking at everything backwards. Nothing just happens to us. We are creating our lives with our vibrations (the energy we generate in every moment with our feelings, reactions, and thoughts).

It’s important to realize that this is not an idea that we might use now and again to accomplish certain situations. We are using it all the time, every single second whether we think about it or not. We could not become instantaneously capable of monitoring each and every thought. So, to establish a habit of slowing them down so as to patiently pay attention to the possibilities whenever we can remember, would be especially productive. Spiritual progress is the key, since perfection will remain behind the veil. Even Jesus lost his temper, argued with his mother, and bad-mouthed many. He still understood, in a more superior and profound way, the power at our disposal, and used it many times. Although we still call these times miracles, I remind you that he told us “You can do these things, and more”.

I believe that in paradise we understand this and that our ‘knowledge of good and evil’ keeps it at bay. I don’t believe anything else has to happen (or time has to pass) for us to return to paradise if we change our minds. Many of our most spiritually oriented guides have given us amazing hints regarding these concepts, but I think one of the best guiding phrases came from Jesus when he told us to “Love your neighbor as yourself”.

We aren’t really separate, your neighbor IS yourself. It’s ALL God, so you can’t love one and not love another. You can only love or not, and choosing to love (be love) creates the single most powerful positive energy in the universe, thereby creating the most desirable circumstances.

Breathing helps.

Tennis Elbow and Fiber

May 4, 2009 at 10:20 pm (life, projects)

I am back in action. Altho I lament the time it takes for me to recover from stuff, I still do. It’s great to be back on my feet and doing all the things I love to do.

We spent a couple of days up north at M’s new house. Littler than the other one, but filled with some of my favorite people!! Enough room for Wii, and Rose played all weekend–now she has a sore arm!!

Got to attend the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival on Sat, and came back with lots of new fiber–plus ideas for many more socks, shawls, sweaters, etc.

Spinning today!

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humility

April 19, 2009 at 6:48 pm (life)

I took a few days to travel, and see parents, sisters and their kids and grandkids. Had a really great visit–mom is well, dad is the same–a little slower. On the way home we grabbed my son and his daughter (Tucker and Charlotte) to be on the mountain for a week, and we were also joined by Frannie and her whole family. After it rained and kept us inside for the most part the first couple of days, we were out full force on Tuesday. Early in the afternoon, I did something to my back. Not sure exactly, I was petting the dogs and when I stood up, I couldn’t stand up.

Certainly, I was disappointed that I was unable to participate in the hiking and outside activities with my family, but the biggest part of this experience has been the humility.

I spent the rest of the day Tuesday, all day Wednesday and all of Thursday horizontal. I needed help to turn over. Over the course of those three days, my mobility slowly returned (Fran, the masseuse, worked on me several times, which probably reduced the recovery time considerably). Though not able to raise my trunk at all (my legs would not support anything), I was able by Thursday night to come to a sitting position. By Friday morning I could stand with help.

First of all, pain sucks. But worst of all, if you ever couldn’t go potty without assistance, you haven’t lived. I’ve wiped many butts (and held many barfing heads), but I never had to have anyone hold a container to catch my waste, and then clean me up. What a lesson. For me to have to allow myself that exposure was a challenge. John and Fran helped without even flinching. It is possible that there is some such person in everyone’s life, but I believe I am blessed beyond belief.

Fran, Jeff and Char played cards with me, Tucker came in and serenaded, the little ones brought their duplos in to build towers and rockets to show me, and J, of course, was ever in the vicinity, ready to serve in any way. Rose stayed with me, too, and was especially accommodating, fetching and such.

Today is Sunday, and I can walk some and sit up, but still need help getting up and down, and cannot yet lower myself to the toilet (or stand from there). Neither can I reach the back to wipe.

I’ll be grateful when I’m back to normal–giving myself ’til Tuesday, but I am equally grateful for this experience. At one point, F indicated the need to open my heart chakra. I thought is was open, but I have so far to still go. Every experience has some important element for us–some are more apparent than others, and more severe. If I can get these things from less extreme situations, I might not have to suffer the severities. Mindfullness is most assuredly the key.

Baby steps.

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Update

April 3, 2009 at 7:13 pm (food, life)

I’ve been avoiding writing so as not to be whining about this diet. It’s not as fun as it was at first but I have actually lost 11 pounds since I started. I’m on a quick-loss plan that is mostly veggies and fruit. No fat, no sugar, very few grains, no dairy (couple of boiled eggs a week). Miss my cheese.

The first week I didn’t move much thinking it better to conserve energy, but this week I’m riding again, and this morning me and J did our “five tibetans” (yoga), and I feel fine–better, actually.

Took, like, two days (not next to each other) where I ate wrong stuff, but I get right back on the horse (the next day) and have not regained any. The thing that’s different is that I’m more patient with myself. And if I stray, I don’t throw in the towel and quit altogether. The tendency is there, though. Another thing that’s different is that when I eat stuff that I’m not supposed to, I try to really take my time and enjoy it, although it’s still hard to not overdo. Hurt myself on one of the days.

Effort in any endeaver is not always productive. Being able to relax gives me a better edge. It’s so amazing, really. Knowing that it’s not hard, but instead an easy process that will result in better health, endurance, and flexibility. Focussing on these aspects and knowing that I’m attracting them to myself with my thoughts and energy is how it all happens.

Just wait!!

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Lightening Up

March 22, 2009 at 1:56 pm (life, philosophy)

The time has finally come. However disgusted I have been with myself has never, ever helped. However much I’ve tried to love my fat self, that has never helped either. I’m not exactly sure what’s different, now, but I don’t miss the coffee, the butter, even the chocolate!! The foods that I’m eating taste just fine, and I’m never hungry–in fact I have a little trouble finishing the meals proposed! Only once in the past week did I not actually enjoy a meal, and I might be able to skip that one altogether!

I wasn’t going to share this, but I can’t contain myself. The feeling is right this time. It’s not a punishment, it’s a reward. Maybe for just getting to this point, maybe for letting go of the specific motivational factors (how I look, my health, my endurance, my flexibility) in deference to the process itself. Really. I do think about being smaller, but I’m not focused there as much as doing what I’m doing in the moment. Be the outcome what it may, I’m halfway through the first leg, and right on target.

On another note, I started reading Bruce Lipton’s “Biology of Belief”, a very informative study of current scientific status concerning cellular physics, genetics (the debunking of the Human Genome projects), and the effects of energy on all the microscopic processes. He will be getting into the quantum thing next, I presume. Can’t wait–I love this shit! It’s going to boil down to the idea that we control our realities with our thoughts and feelings, I just know it. (What else–the things that support my perspective/beliefs/countenance are inexorably attracted to me).

Anyway, it’s a great day–42 right now, and sunny. Also, drying outside nicely. I will hike extensively today to gather more positive energy from nature and spread my own!!

An Amazing Visit/What I’ve Been Doing Since Christmas

March 7, 2009 at 5:16 pm (family, projects)

My two daughters and their progeny were here this past week for several days–what a gift!! The kids are all the light of my life and every visit with them is precious to me. Watching them develop into the persons they will become is an incredible treat.

The weather was not conducive to much outside activity–Tue was very cold, and Wed. was just too muddy. So it was a crowded three days, but fun nonetheless: Tuesday’s look
Hannah
Madeline playing
Frannie being sexy
River and Grayson playing kitchen hockey
Grayson at the Mex
Josh close up
Jack eating taco salad

I also got some shots of Hannah modeling my most recent creations. I may have mentioned some Estonian Lace scarves I was trying to get done before John visited his family, and he ended up going out West before I finished them. So they will be distributed this July when we visit again:

These are scarves for the Buss girls (Benni, Guna, Inta and Mary Lou feel free to stake your claim!)
Mad’s b’day tee
Fran’s b’day butt wrap