Paradise Perspective

Just returned from a 3-day visit with my folks. Dad is losing it. He always knew who I was, and J (lost J a few times the last visit), but kept referring to my sister Rose–the one who’s always there and does everything–as ‘that nice lady who takes me for walks sometimes’. Looking at pictures of us all, dad needs to be reminded most of their names and who they belong to (whose husband, whose kids/g-kids). While reading riddles in the paper to us, he couldn’t stay on the same riddle for the answer, and then kept reading the same ones over and over. Trying to make trivial conversation is not possible for him because he forgets his point before he can finish verbalizing the thought. Most times the thoughts themselves were indecipherable for us.

So I’m there with him thinking how much, despite all of my understandable grudges from the past (walking on eggshells because of his often ill-tempered demeanor, not ever being able to discuss a topic on which we disagreed, and especially the way he has constantly criticized and found fault with mom, etc.), I love this man deeply (and have gotten my musical skill and mechanical aptitude partially from his genes).

I can’t let what he knows or doesn’t know change anything. We must love him and each other through this. And taking the whole thing a step further (as I am likely to do), loving each other through all of this (third dimensional life) is the point always. So why does what we know or don’t know EVER matter?

We just have to let it all go at some point.