Paradise Perspective

I’m not going to post what the scale read, but I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. This past winter had me so complacent what with not running or doing any yoga, and mostly spinning and knitting. Although I have produced some of my best work ever, there is no balance here.

Yesterday, I ran (jog-hopped) almost a mile–better than I thought I’d be able to do considering I haven’t run since Thanksgiving. Then I made the mistake of weighing myself. My niece, Megan (our three sons) posted about being a stress eater , and it occurred to me that I don’t actually experience much stress anymore, but the one thing that DOES stress me out is how fat I am, and guess what–I eat (or want to) when that happens!

This is a really great challenge for putting some of the concepts of the Law of Attraction to work. The effort required here is more about my mental focus. I do believe that I can get healthy by focusing my thoughts on good health, but then I must let myself be guided to eat right (and move), also. What makes me NOT eat right is the desire for the physical gratification of yummy (cookies, m&ms, chips) stuff. Short term grat. Refocusing on the long term results of disciplined activity and healthy eating will accomplish what eating with abandon (and sitting, mostly) hasn’t.

There is nothing difficult about this. Everything we do is out of habit. The initial attention to changing any habit is the hardest part. Wrenching my hand from the cookie jar is not the point. Paying attention to where my hand is off to, is. Foresight, insight, mindfulness, these are mental acuities, and if my attention is on these, my hand will not necessitate wrenching!!

Of course, I haven’t addressed the fact that possibly a bigger problem might be that being fat is an issue to begin with. I don’t particularly like myself this way, and it might be more important to love and accept myself no matter what. Unconditionally. I would treat myself with more respect. Fat or not.

Three times in one day, yesterday, I was told by different people that I am overbearing, critical, and judgmental in the expression of my philosophies. First, I know that it might be the content of my dissertations that put people off, but finding fault with my presentation might be easier for them than engaging in the dialogue (which is my main interest). Second, I am a Leo, which makes me automatically more obnoxious. Demanding attention has always been a major part of my character (defective as it is).

However, I consider myself to be well read at this point and have finally developed a confidence in the area of expression that took many years to achieve. I remember being in discussions when I knew I had opposing views, but I was incapable at the time of clearly verbalizing them. I remember how overbearing and judgmental the other people seemed.

Since I have this blog, now, I am going to try to limit my railings to the keyboard, and try not to engage people clearly not wanting to be engaged. Husband and children notwithstanding.

If you are one of those people, please accept my sincerest apology, and please remind me when I need it. My last wish is to be a burden to anyone.

What I really wanted to talk about today is the power (“He”) that is in us. Bible says it’s greater than that in the world. I believe it is possible to open myself up completely to this power for guidance and be fed, clothed, protected, directed and sustained. I believe this universal energy (Holy Spirit) is omnipresent, and it is my attention to it that makes it real for me. It is never not there, but sometimes I’m not. Meditation helps here, if I can shut up (physically AND mentally).

I think I’ll do that right now. Bless everyone.