Paradise Perspective

Just returned from a 3-day visit with my folks. Dad is losing it. He always knew who I was, and J (lost J a few times the last visit), but kept referring to my sister Rose–the one who’s always there and does everything–as ‘that nice lady who takes me for walks sometimes’. Looking at pictures of us all, dad needs to be reminded most of their names and who they belong to (whose husband, whose kids/g-kids). While reading riddles in the paper to us, he couldn’t stay on the same riddle for the answer, and then kept reading the same ones over and over. Trying to make trivial conversation is not possible for him because he forgets his point before he can finish verbalizing the thought. Most times the thoughts themselves were indecipherable for us.

So I’m there with him thinking how much, despite all of my understandable grudges from the past (walking on eggshells because of his often ill-tempered demeanor, not ever being able to discuss a topic on which we disagreed, and especially the way he has constantly criticized and found fault with mom, etc.), I love this man deeply (and have gotten my musical skill and mechanical aptitude partially from his genes).

I can’t let what he knows or doesn’t know change anything. We must love him and each other through this. And taking the whole thing a step further (as I am likely to do), loving each other through all of this (third dimensional life) is the point always. So why does what we know or don’t know EVER matter?

We just have to let it all go at some point.

Returned from Syracuse last night. In spite of an annoying bug that desended upon some of us, I enjoyed an especially fun visit.

My g-boy (Jack, 8 ) plays hockey and I got to attend a practice on Fri which very few of his teemmates attended, so J was in great form. Also attended one of H’s dance classes–she is excellent. John and I participated in a turkey run on Thurs with M and a few of her friends. It was cold and rainy, but we both finished and it was a good start for the day. Fran and her family arrived that afternoon and we went to Joan’s for their dessert party. Had our feast on Fri, and it was awesome. I refuse to criticize the food as that wasn’t the point. The love around the table was the point, and we ate. A bunch.

Now the trip is over, and I’ll be looking forward to the next visit. They are always over too fast. I love being with my kids.

Thank you.

After spending two weeks traveling and playing with some of my favorite people in the world, I’m ready to pick up where I left off. I needed the visits and the break, but the wheels are turning, and I must express.

It’s October! We will kick off a string of holidays in a few short weeks. I am joyfully guiding the energy that is fiber into energy that is sweaters, socks, mittens, and hats to warm the respective body parts of my loved ones, and marvel at the energy that is change in the terrain. I love the fall and winter best. It all goes together so nicely. Be Good Energy.

I’m embarking on a course of study, which outlines a 24-step (one a week) program for understanding the universal laws and facilitating the application of these laws. It’s a teeny book, and would be easy for me to breeze through the text in a day or so. But I am disciplining myself to patiently follow the steps as indicated. The first exercise, after studying the lesson, is to sit perfectly still for 15 to 30 minutes. This is funny. Sitting still is what I do best—it’s getting up and moving that is a challenge!! To be fair, I don’t actually sit still, as a rule. I’m usually knitting, spinning or stroking a cat or two. But sitting nonetheless. So, not a real stretch.

Be abundantly blessed with love and gratitude.

Luckily, Fran did take a picture.

I have spent the last two weeks interacting with my grandchildren. For the middle weekend, all six of them were here. (I didn’t take one single picture, bleah). The way I want to be with them was never very far from my mind. The way I was with them was quite different.

I am having the hardest time with knowing that change is NOT hard. I still believe that it is and, therefore, it stays that way. How I respond to undesirable behavior is just as undesirable as the behaviors themselves. The kids fight with one another, and so I fight with them. They yell at each other and I yell at them. They are mean to each other and so I am mean to them. Boo.

My intention is to set the example that responding with patience and love is so much more productive and effective. But the habitual responses serve to perpetuate the habitual behaviors. And I have not, apparently, mastered the new habit of breathing first, and then addressing the situation. All I really need to do is STOP for a couple of seconds. It’s not hard, and I WILL be able to do it next time.

I love and appreciate all my progeny, and am so grateful when we get to be together. I am disappointed with myself, but I love that I can see and understand what is happening. I also love that I can see and understand my responsibility in the whole thing. There was a time when I would just have blamed everyone else for not only how they are, but for my responses to them as well!!

I am praising and blessing them all, now, and with a little more work (not really that much), I will praise and bless them the whole time we’re together, too.

My husband has outdone himself once again. Last night he made the most amazing pesto and pasta. Since we started gardening small veggies and herbs on the deck (growing things on the mountain just feeds the goats and sheep), John reads related books and magazines insatiably regarding the use of them. He has found and tested numerable dishes that we have incorporated into our regular menu. A heavenly pasta salad: whole grain rotini, black beans, black olives, pico de gallo (onions, peppers, much garlic, tomatoes, avocado, much cilantro, jalepeno, and lime), tossed with chipotle ranch (buttermilk, mayo, chipotle chili powder). He makes this at least every couple of weeks. The pesto incorporated our fresh basil with pine nuts, garlic, parm and romano cheese, and olive oil. The rotini has lots of little spaces to trap the pesto. Yum.

This morning I am spinning while breathing a waft of fresh garlic, green peppers and cilantro as he prepares a huge garden salad for us to eat on for the next few days.

It’s funny how as I grew apart from my relationship with the kitchen, J has taken up the slack. I’d rather knit/spin/weave than cook, and I’m feeling so much gratitude that not cooking doesn’t mean having to eat spaghetti, mac and cheese, or ramen noodles every night! He rocks!

Wednesday was Rose’s birthday. We ate out and went to see “Harry Potter”*. By the time I got home it was dark, so I didn’t run. (I did 1 and a half on Tue). Then yesterday it rained all day. Someone has a treadmill they’re not using and will give to me. J and R have both said they would use it, too.

*I thought it was interesting that in one scene, where Harry is being instructed on defense against the dark arts, he is told to “control your thoughts and emotions”.

I realized that I haven’t posted in over a week.  I have my youngest daughter, Fran, and her two boys, Grayson, 2 and River, 1.  They came home with us from Syracuse last week and we are having a complete blast.  The boys are so great and Fran is hillarious.  There is much laughter.  She is on line with the Secret and the Law of Attraction, so even tho I’m not posting progress, we are having many discussions between us concerning application of those principles in regards to raising children and dealing with changes.

Yesterday, we had guests for dinner (a friend’s birthday), and we visited at length about these ideas and the way our lives could be different in unheard-of ways when we finally can integrate our real creative power.  We gave them a copy of “The Secret”.

When I get another chance, I want to address the Christian opposition to this work.  Stay cool and be grateful. 

Since last Thursday, I have my eight-year-old granddaughter, Charlotte, with me.  I love and miss all my g-kids (six total, all of which I will see this weekend in Syracuse), but having the kid(s) around really forces me to take stock of how much progress I have made (or not).

Loving my ever service-minded husband without conditions is easy since I can usually foresee his activities and responses to mine.  The children are much less predictable, and I am no longer used to having them around.  This is an incredible opportunity for me.  Intellectually, I can establish the changes that will reflect spiritual growth in the material realm.  Grandkids visiting present the very challenge I need for practicing and putting the principles to work.

!.  Bless the opposing verbal responses to everything I say.

2.  Bless everything they want, and allow it to be different than what I want for them. (within practical reason, of course.  But barring dangerous and life-threatening, much, much more flexible)

3.  Trying to always respond with love as opposed to anger to everything. 

4.  Never feeling anger in the first place.

This last one is not as hard as it might seem.  ‘Course, I get more practice with this one when the kids aren’t here, and have covered considerable ground.  The reason is this:  Our differences are important.  After considering that those are the things that define us, how ridiculous to desire sameness.  The thing that wants us to be the same is our insecurity in uniqueness.  Remembering that “he that is in me is greater…”, I can remind myself that “he that is in you” is also greater than my percieved desire for sameness.

Not only has it been helpful for me, but my sweet Charlotte has mentioned that we are different, and it’s good.