Paradise Perspective

…begins with a single step”, I think, as another inch of spun bamboo slips into the orifice of the wheel. Being of the West (ern paradigm where everything is measured and calculated), I timed the spinning of 3 grams to 14 minutes. I have over 400 grams to go. So this is going to take a while, and for sure it won’t be the only thing I work on. Having finished one large (baby blanket) project and several small ones (a hat, two pairs of socks), I am in the space between. For maximum comfort and productivity, I will have to start no less than 4 (and as many as 7) projects by the weekend. I’ve got a music thing (recording parts for the family reunion chorus) going, so that makes 2.

New Subject

While J and I were hiking on the ridge yesterday, we discovered Morel mushrooms up there (shhhh…..don’t tell anyone local–they guard known morel locations with their lives, and are always on the lookout for more). I haven’t even seen any since the late ’70s when I lived in Iowa. I heard they were here, too, but never saw any ’til now!! They are delicious for two weeks a year. We (J) took some pictures of them (and also a May Apple–especially prolific this season), and will wait for a few more to manifest before harvesting them for dinner. A few heavenly bites.

New Suject

A close personal friend with marital problems has been consuming me for a couple of weeks. I know she understands that her situation beats the hell out of most people’s. And I believe she will come to her senses before she completely jeopardizes the balance of the precious lives of those she loves the most. But I can’t help projecting about various scenarios that could conceivably result from certain choices at this juncture. If she were to split with her old man, will I then be required to choose which of them to include in my plans? Hmmm. How many others touched by this would face similar decisions? I remember when my first husband left me, I felt like my whole circle of friends left, too. They were still my friends, of course, but they felt torn, and since they had known him first they felt their loyalties lay there.

I can’t say for certain what it is that anybody needs. But I DO know this: Happiness is NOT the result of circumstances. It is the exact opposite. Happy circumstances are the result of the decision to BE happy. Looking outside of yourself for gratification and fulfillment will only perpetuate the necessity for you to do that. Finding that you are already complete will enable you to choose happiness in any scenario without the need for any permanent damage to the current participants.

Girl, I love you dearly, but get your head out of your butt because your choice now will affect many peoples’ choices in the future.

I’m not going to post what the scale read, but I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. This past winter had me so complacent what with not running or doing any yoga, and mostly spinning and knitting. Although I have produced some of my best work ever, there is no balance here.

Yesterday, I ran (jog-hopped) almost a mile–better than I thought I’d be able to do considering I haven’t run since Thanksgiving. Then I made the mistake of weighing myself. My niece, Megan (our three sons) posted about being a stress eater , and it occurred to me that I don’t actually experience much stress anymore, but the one thing that DOES stress me out is how fat I am, and guess what–I eat (or want to) when that happens!

This is a really great challenge for putting some of the concepts of the Law of Attraction to work. The effort required here is more about my mental focus. I do believe that I can get healthy by focusing my thoughts on good health, but then I must let myself be guided to eat right (and move), also. What makes me NOT eat right is the desire for the physical gratification of yummy (cookies, m&ms, chips) stuff. Short term grat. Refocusing on the long term results of disciplined activity and healthy eating will accomplish what eating with abandon (and sitting, mostly) hasn’t.

There is nothing difficult about this. Everything we do is out of habit. The initial attention to changing any habit is the hardest part. Wrenching my hand from the cookie jar is not the point. Paying attention to where my hand is off to, is. Foresight, insight, mindfulness, these are mental acuities, and if my attention is on these, my hand will not necessitate wrenching!!

Of course, I haven’t addressed the fact that possibly a bigger problem might be that being fat is an issue to begin with. I don’t particularly like myself this way, and it might be more important to love and accept myself no matter what. Unconditionally. I would treat myself with more respect. Fat or not.

Benni has tagged me–she was the only one I tagged the first time, and now we’re going backwards, so I can tag Madeline (academom) , Joan (nosparetime), and Heather (runningburro)!!

Five things in each of the following categories:

10 years ago, I was:

1. Living in Chesapeake, Va 2. Making EarthChairs 3. Singing with Sweet Adelines 4. Singing in Quartet du Jour 5. Taking care of my 2-year-old Hannah!!

Today’s to do list:

1. Spin wool 2. Ply wool 3. Knit wool 4. Card some alpaca 5. Spin alpaca

Snacks I enjoy:

1. m&ms 2. Mint Milanos 3. Chex mix (home made only) 4. Apples and cheese 5. Herbal tea

If I was a billionaire, I would:

1. Set up legacy accounts at my favorite charities. 2. Pay off all debt for myself and all family members. 3. Make sure they all have houses and cars. 4. Make my place on the mountain bigger and more functional (go solar). 5. Travel

My bad habits:

1. I’m obsessed with all things fiber (bad from some perspectives, good from others) 2. Must talk philosophy at least once a day. 3. Sitting (to spin, knit, play computer games, etc.) 4. Skipping breakfast. 5. Still haven’t mastered patience where it’s most important.

Pet peeves:

1. bad grammar, spelling and usage. 2. Negative judgments. 3. Defensiveness 4. Noise 5. That all the things that annoy me, I am usually guilty of.

Places I’ve lived:

1. Webster County WV 2. Chesapeake, Va 3. Ceiba, Puerto Rico 4. Waukegan, Ill 5. Lincoln Ne. (those are just the LAST five!)

Jobs I’ve had:

1. Dilly Bar maker 2. Cottage parent for 17 HS girls 3. Chicago cab driver 4. Dressmaker 5. Business owner.

After a couple of (really fun) weeks with kids and g-kids, I’m bursting with new ideas for speculation.

First, I am not superior to anyone.  I have had experiences others haven’t, and I have learned things that others have yet to, but the same is true of every single entity.  Second, I am not inferior to anyone by the same token.

The things we learn are contributions to the whole, and every lesson ever learned by anyone, ever, is what the whole has become (and is becoming).

Now that I understand this, I can focus on learning things, and integrating those lessons that I believe will benefit the whole.  Because if it doesn’t benefit the whole, it can’t possibly benefit me or any other individual entity.

When an altercation arises, we feel that it is paramount to establish which party is right.  How does that benefit the whole?  A better approach would be an attempt to accept the fact that both perspectives are correct from some viewpoint.  A personal victory over someone else’s stand is not any victory, but a minimization of one’s own perspective in relation to all perspectives.  In other words, if any point of view can be dominated, all points can, and no perspective can stand alone.

My whole thought process is erroneous!

Since my last post, we have not encountered our neighbor, however we ourselves have been through some changes. After J was outside putzing most of the day, he came in and told me that S’s little hissy was a blessing. J not only addressed the issue of containment (as well as possible, ie blocking Bruce and Hammie’s regular passageways off the mtn), but also began planning our meadow clearing project we’ve been trying to get to for two years. This is awesome. We can’t fence in the whole fourteen acres, but we can make it more desirable for the sheep so they might not want to leave.

While he was outside working, I broke out some nice dark brownsheep wool and spun fat singles for a pair of men’s socks. I will also make a pair for S (the chick)

We will make a formal apology and indicate our intention to try containing the boys. I will show them why I have sheep in the first place, and present the socks as peace offerings. We feel that will be sufficient response on our part.

We are going to withhold any judgment or expectation regarding their response to us. I am still at peace and their happiness remains their choice.

We are grateful for this opportunity to solve a problem peacefully, and I forgive myself for my initial defensiveness, and them for not being nice about my sheep pooping on their porch. Amen.

Just returned from a 3-day visit with my folks. Dad is losing it. He always knew who I was, and J (lost J a few times the last visit), but kept referring to my sister Rose–the one who’s always there and does everything–as ‘that nice lady who takes me for walks sometimes’. Looking at pictures of us all, dad needs to be reminded most of their names and who they belong to (whose husband, whose kids/g-kids). While reading riddles in the paper to us, he couldn’t stay on the same riddle for the answer, and then kept reading the same ones over and over. Trying to make trivial conversation is not possible for him because he forgets his point before he can finish verbalizing the thought. Most times the thoughts themselves were indecipherable for us.

So I’m there with him thinking how much, despite all of my understandable grudges from the past (walking on eggshells because of his often ill-tempered demeanor, not ever being able to discuss a topic on which we disagreed, and especially the way he has constantly criticized and found fault with mom, etc.), I love this man deeply (and have gotten my musical skill and mechanical aptitude partially from his genes).

I can’t let what he knows or doesn’t know change anything. We must love him and each other through this. And taking the whole thing a step further (as I am likely to do), loving each other through all of this (third dimensional life) is the point always. So why does what we know or don’t know EVER matter?

We just have to let it all go at some point.

First I thought about calling this post “scattered focus”. Duh. And whenever I try to redirect my thoughts to be more ideally focussed, I encounter this dichotomy. As long as I’m thinking about changing the current thought, there is some element of my thinking that is not in harmony with my ideal.

I vaguely remember an earlier reference to vigilance, and when we hear that word, it sounds like something hard to do. To be vigilant, I must need to constantly refocus. However, if the ideal I have chosen (love without conditions, in this case) is productive and possible for me at this time, there will be nothing even remotely difficult. The refocusing will be a natural flow of thought, and a momentary rush of liberation from whatever the distraction is.

In other words, if the change I’m trying to make is in the realm of possibility for me, it’s easy as pie. If it seems hard, then there is something about the way I’m already thinking that I’m not ready to relinquish yet.

And I must also love this without conditions.

This is a memorable day indeed.  Although I will need some guidance for making changes here, I now have the capability to do so!!  My dsl is here!!  We are no longer dialing up and preempting our phone line to go online, and I can get blogging guidance on the phone!  All at the same time!

It’s funny how I wasn’t really thinking about it–It has been available here for over a year, but would have been $50 more a month.  They called a few days ago with a new and acceptable deal.  Half that, no installation fee.  I’m there.

So thinking about accessible features that I couldn’t use before.  John can watch some games (we don’t have cable either), I can catch video streams on myspace and utube (stuff my kids and g-kids will do), the links that I couldn’t get in emails, and best of all the Sweet Adeline International Competition!! 

The other really great thing is that I can spend more time reading other peoples philosophies on their blogs!!

I am loving life (and being grateful)!! 

There are some people here (in VB) that do not bristle when I wax philosophical.  So I am having some good fun.  Mostly when I am home,  I have J, but he’s already heard about and discussed the jist of it.  Once in a while we can discuss a new element, and/or debate a point.  M is over it, and will engage if it is applicable to her.  F will always engage, but would rather we not apply anything to her.  I always enjoy myself while having verbal intercourse, and will go there at any op.

I don’t understand why anybody who believes in anything doesn’t want to always talk about it and find out what others believe in and why.   Our faith defines us to a profound extent, and clarifying what it is to the point of coherent verbalization, then gives us the op for even more expansion.  And then we all expand!

My daughter, Fran (F), had all her wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday, so I am here to take up some of the slack with her two boys (Grey 3, and River 1 ana half).  Since I have made the trip solo, I will take this opportunity to hook up with some friends I haven’t seen for a while.

Love seeing the boys regardless of the excuse.  F is doing well and I don’t anticipate it taking the whole time I’m here for her to recover.  They got themselves a ping-pong table for Christmas, and it’s one of my all time favorite games.  Between the boys and the table, I am up off my butt, now!!

Get moving, again!!