Paradise Perspective

Yesterday was the first day in four that my head didn’t hurt. The whole time I rode the migraine bus, I struggled with the purpose for this. I know (and knew this before) that all difficulties and obstacles are drawn to me by my need for some lesson/wisdom I have not yet integrated. The main thing I got from it was pissed off.

At one point, F told me to tap on my forehead with fingertips and repeatedly tell myself how much I love me regardless of my defects. I’m sure this is relevant because while I berate myself for having it (the headache) in the first place, I need to address my necessity for it. I do NOT always love myself, and I know that I have created the parts I don’t love. It’s up to me to either change the undesirable aspects or release them from their influence/importance altogether.

This totally goes along with my thoughts and the energy given them. Although I believe I am in good health and I’m doing the things that will sustain it, there is still a small element of doubt. And although the scales seem to be tipped toward the positive in light of time spent (I spend less time doubting than being healthy), the doubt still has a profound effect. Here’s why: When I am thinking about being in good health, it is more a taking for granted than an overwhelming gratitude. When I feel doubtful, there is a rush of fear, an emotional charge that tips the scales exponentially because of it’s higher energy.

The unconditional love I speak of must have to start here.

How do we separate speculation/evaluation from judgment?  After a conversation this morning with M about default perspectives, I believe that any statement could be construed as judgment, whether or not it is intended as such.  It is  determined, of course, by the conversant participants and their current state(s) of mind.

If I am thinking thoughts of unity and unconditional love, no thing anyone says can illicit negativity.  If I am thinking thoughts from any dimension of fear (anger, offendedness, vindictiveness, etc), everything said will magnify the negativity.  And no matter what the subject, this is true.

When this one concept is understood and integrated, I will have achieved my ideal, and can then become proactive in terms of co-creating my life beyond any (self-)imposed limits.

It’s very close.

The thing that is happening now, is that instead of me being able to monitor my own thoughts before speaking energy I don’t want to speak, I’m much more inclined to notice what YOU are saying and question your intentions. “Do you really want to be putting out THAT energy?” Etc.

It has always been a sort of first step for me in any such endeavor: project my intention onto my loved ones and “guide” them toward the result that I myself am aspiring to.

However annoying it might be to them, however, it IS a way for me to become more mindful of those things my own self, and it DOES help. I am paying more attention to the things I speak, and ultimately speaking less “trash” (unproductive energy) and more desirable subject/object matter.

It’s fun.

No matter what else is going on, or what else, if anything, I have done about my spirituality the rest of the week, Sunday morning is a time for introspection.  As part of this week’s “Master Key” lesson, there is a statement about the way we act:  “Our actions are not governed by knowledge, but by custom, precedent and habit.”  How true.

It goes on to say that knowledge does not apply itself.  So, if I’m learning anything/adding knowledge to my stash, it does me no good without the aspiration of application.

Here’s what I know:  My thoughts are things that not only have energy but direct that energy into whatever the object of those thoughts are.  If my thoughts are vitalized with emotion, the energy is increased exponentially.   The creative energy of any thought is also increased  immensely when clothed in words.

My dad always told me to “think before you speak”, a thing I never mastered.  He was concerned with being embarrassed or offending someone vicariously, but his admonition nevertheless was a wise one.  50 years later, I get it.

Now, it will be necessary to attempt reversing 50 years of habitual ’speaking without thinking first’.  Next, if I can stop and think first, I could change my thought to a positive one, and then vitalize it with peace and love before I dress it with words.

Another thing is, in my last post I talked about vigilance, and now I want to put a different outfit on that thought:  Insight.

I think ‘insight’ addresses the same idea, only with an added dimension of understanding, and a warmer, more peaceful aura.

How’s that for application?

First I thought about calling this post “scattered focus”. Duh. And whenever I try to redirect my thoughts to be more ideally focussed, I encounter this dichotomy. As long as I’m thinking about changing the current thought, there is some element of my thinking that is not in harmony with my ideal.

I vaguely remember an earlier reference to vigilance, and when we hear that word, it sounds like something hard to do. To be vigilant, I must need to constantly refocus. However, if the ideal I have chosen (love without conditions, in this case) is productive and possible for me at this time, there will be nothing even remotely difficult. The refocusing will be a natural flow of thought, and a momentary rush of liberation from whatever the distraction is.

In other words, if the change I’m trying to make is in the realm of possibility for me, it’s easy as pie. If it seems hard, then there is something about the way I’m already thinking that I’m not ready to relinquish yet.

And I must also love this without conditions.

A good breakfast, no?

Tamarack was a bust. They don’t buy your stuff if you use a published pattern. Peacock Feathers shawl was designed by Dorothy Siemens for Fiddlesticks knitting patterns–I couldn’t have designed it, but am grateful for those who DO design so I have something to do!!!

The prescreener guy loved all my hats, though, and encouraged me to take them for jury (they ARE my own designs), even though the flyer/handout thingy said they were NOT looking for hats or other knitted accessories. I really don’t want to just be making hats to sell, anyway. Plus I thought the Guitar straps (handwoven hemp) would be better received and they were summarily dismissed.

Another discouraging thing was pricing. He encouraged me to charge what I think I’m worth (one of my favorite things to think about), but reiterated often that the mark-up is 100%. So what I charge, they double it to resell.

I’m not disappointed, however. I went there to find out the procedures and logistics of selling to (at) Tamarack, and we found out. John thinks we can do better on our own–either a website or ebay. Or both.

I really don’t need the income, but was hoping to help with student loan pay-back. Not giving up.

That the biggest, strongest, wealthiest, noisiest get the most attention and achieve the fastest change is commonly accepted.  However, those particular changes either don’t last, or need to be repeatedly imposed with demonstrable force.

Ideas that have proven to illustrate the most longevity, however, are asserted with subtlety and grace.  The funny thing here is that we are conditioned to respond to these spectral anomalies in ways that oppose the productive.  Although patience is ostensibly promoted, what we see is constant conflict and a lack of anything resembling grace.  (think political campaign, corporate tyranny, evangelical imposition, etc.)

As I attempt to practice a new thought process centered in my intimate connectedness with all of creation, my impatience with force continuously rears it’s ugly head, and my habitual inclination to respond with like force as well.

Tolerance and forgiveness are important here, but not imperative.  They are still middlemen.  Love itself is by far more powerful, and to love without conditions most powerful.  Omnipotent.  No demonstrable force can have any effect whatsoever where unconditional love abides.

And unconditional love abides everywhere.

The peacock feather shawl (the second one I’ve made) is coming along.  I’m in a very confusing part of the pattern where I can’t have a conversation or watch TV or I’ll lose my place.  So the relationship with the process is much more intimate than usual.  I noticed this morning how beautifully I have spun the yarn, and how great it’s turning into the lace.  Also, pictures of other things to make come into mind (as opposed to the images of Ugly Betty and her entourage).

I’m coming back to the mindful knitting thing and paying more attention to what it is I’m thinking.  Truely, what you give energy to (the object of your attention) becomes manifest.  The projects on deck are numerous and more personally creative than they have been in the past.  And although it wasn’t my particular intention to make up designs, I have somehow attracted new ones because of my attention to creating.

I expand yet further.

Aside from a particular product I invented and marketed a few years back (EarthChair), I don’t, as a rule, sell my stuff.  But there is a cool venue here in WVa that showcases WVa artisans exclusively.  A friend of mine sells hats that she makes there, and has encouraged me to put a package together and get juried (their screening process).  So I am in the process of doing that.  With the family saturated (overflowing with wool garments), it might be time.  I do have some unique accessories that might actually interest a passerby or two.  The cool thing about this particular establishment is that they don’t consign.  They buy the stuff (like a department store), so you don’t have to wait until something sells for payment.

It’s so interesting to see how as my thought process changes, the circumstances in my life follow suit.  I believe this is going to be a very positive thing.  Plus, I’m really enjoying myself!  You do the same.